u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
