need another drink. this is the easiest way
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
