I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
