You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
