It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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