Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
