He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
