what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
