I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
