i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
