I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
