I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
