highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
