Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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