Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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