Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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