1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
