someone threw a dead crab at me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
