dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
