To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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