i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
