If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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