Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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