dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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