In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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