Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
