Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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