I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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