We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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