just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
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Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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