yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
