ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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