Where are you?
In a non slutty way
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
