I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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