my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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