Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
