Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
