then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
