i permit you to call me
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
