I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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