did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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