We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
