you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
