wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
