i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
