I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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