Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
