Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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