Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
