This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
