fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
