I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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