Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You are the jesus of drinking
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
