Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
