I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
time to smoke my breakfast
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
