I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
