i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
