i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
