wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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