Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
