I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You are a genius and a whore.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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