I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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