I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
