my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
