I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
